Love is a Flower

Who knows if anyone reads these anymore. It's been a long time since ive used this for anything beyond boredom. I need to express myself where not everyone will see.

They seemed to have a command over time, for as I looked into them I lost myself. Although I only held her gaze for a moment, the visage of those perfect spheres is ingrained upon my memory as if I had devoted my entire life to studying them.

There are no words in existence that explain how pulchritudinous the hue of her eyes coupled with my wonder at her dormant soul felt to me. All I can do is make a grossly inaccurate approximation using my limited vocabulary. Contained within it, these eyes held the purest dark blue sapphire pierced by a thousand focused rays of sky blue sunlight. It is thus that it projects a false Aurora Borealis on its exterior, the blue light mirroring perfection. This can only summarize their color, as the true beauty lies in to whom the eyes belong.

I felt as though blue was the best color for her to choose, deep and radiant, framed by her perfect face. The best color because the most beautiful expanses of this world contain blue. Some form of blue that we not only look on with admiration and awe but also we are wary of its ability to encompass us with fear as we contemplate losing ourselves in the infinity of that blue abyss. As we stare into the heavens the azure sky radiates freedom without limits. And yet to fall forever upward would ultimately bind us as captives to the nothingness. Conversely, to sink into the seemingly bottomless trenches of the sea would constrict us with the tentacles of fate as an equally abhorrent outcome. If it were possible to drown from the beauty of her eyes I would have long since passed from this world.

So it was that I met her and the woman she associates with as mother. After only speaking briefly we parted ways. I am left with these memories burning bright, silhouetted against everything I have ever chosen to remember. Even now, I sit here thinking only of that glimpse I had into the world of dreams. These thoughts are all I have until our next encounter. I thank you for your existence even should we choose to part ways; for it has enriched my pale world with vibrant color.

Amavi Te E.

I just saw the Golden Compass during the early showing. It was quite good, amazing special affects of course. It does have a slightly hostile attitude towards fervent catholicism; not that I object but it might offend some people! It also had a terrible ending, absolutely disgusting. It made me want to vomit..twice. Its like pirates of the carribean where NOTHING is resolved and leaves it cliffhangerish; except it wasnt that epic in the end.

Whats her name red head, Tom Cruises old love interest is awesome in the movie. She has a little monkey friend that is AMAZING. anyway yay to my first post in a millenia. Oh her names nicole kidman.

Happy New Year everyone. This new year should bring joy and happyness to the world and stuff. I work tonight from 5-9 short shift. I think it might be my last shift. I want a job at the library or bookstore or electronics store. Anything New. I want to expand my vocational expertise. Retail you suck. I am glad i tried it though. It helps me to be nicer when shopping and not destroy piles of folded clothes. I can mimic any folding now too. School starts next monday and it sucks. I want to not go to school grr. I'm helping several people get home from airports and train stations. The campus is getting busier and i don't like it. before, it was so serene. So quiet. Yet chaos ensues in cycles as it has always done. OKay im out peace.

I am sitting, waiting, wishing i believed in superstition. Well actually, at this current point in time i am waiting like an eruditic hominid for my last final to begin. xmas break starts now.

This is the day, this is today. I have an interesting midterm on monday, of which i have not yet studied. The midterm will cover the topic of the Ocean, incoporating the sea; geooceanography as well as biooceanography. One day during class the old man with hair as white as ash decided to bring a lovely bag of goodies. Within this bag was contained an elaborate mix of separate sea creatures. Cnidarians, annelida's, bivalve-constructed calcium carbonate covered creatures, and tiny crustaceans. It was rather neat.

On a less academic note, within last night existed a quite cool concert of large proportions. Danger Radio played first that night. This band was okay they played their music so loud, one could not separate the notes. Not my kind of music. Next was Gym Class Heroes, arguably the best band that night. The singer was quite a character, lending his personality through short monologues between songs. He had the image of singing magician comedian man. Hot Hot Heat decided to tear up the stage next. While lacking in personality and delivery, the music itself was better. I rather enjoyed Middle of Nowhere. Unfortunately i do not as of yet have my camera to record such things. My phone video is not up the task of recording such loud sounds. I want my cybershot. My father sent it to my residence here, but i just realized...there will be no memory card in it. The memory card is hidden in a desk at home as i did not wish to send it to the repair place. Silly me.

For the purpose of celebrating the passing of 3/4s of a centurys worth of birthdays i will be returning to palm springs on the 21st. Possibly seeing mr. Saget on the 20th for a friends birthday but definitely this is something not set in stone.

Oh yes. And i recently recieved confirmation of the intent to hire myself from American Eagle. Although i had to sign a comprehensive fashion contract I look forward to receiving money into my bank account. Last week i officially changed my major to economics and i think as of now it is a good choice.

I hope everyone is enjoying themselves at their respective places of residence. Good day friend.

So First week at UCSD.

I met my roommate yesterday. I arrived on campus last sunday but then left again. Whilst i was gone he moved in. I returned on thursday but he was gone. He didnt come back till tuesday morning. I Was like ZOMG wheres my roommate, maybe he doesnt exist. So i barely know him right now.
I went to a Party at Erica's for her 20th and kim yea you missed out bitch. Andrea made this really cool chocolate cake and the suite is all pretty nice. Melissa decorated and stuff. Then this lady named kelly was cool she looked swedish but wasnt. So kim come down and visit! I also met this lady from warren yeazers she was pretty like a supermodel lady but conservative to the max eww.
It was a really chill party. Come visit angie! I cooked in my kitchen and made yummy spaghetti. This friday is a cookie exchange with tons of my friends and im baking yummy stuff. I want to make nemo cookies and somehow fill them with red stuff so it looks like they bleed when you bite them.
Pot luck comin up soon. Nother birthday party saturday for aura.

Oh and school. I changed my major officially to Economics. I'm taking latin, economics, economic history of precolumbian united states, the oceans, and Environmental 30. I have loooots of studying to do so bye everybody.

Hi! So I had a birthday a couple days ago. It was on a friday, a day in which i had sushi and some water for dinner. For lunch i had a most delightful meal with Angie the super cool and wonderful sweet lady (nudge nudge) at thai smile; pad thai and stuff ensued. We then walked allll the way back to al dentes which was closed to the public those freaking jerks so i left my car out front to piss them off. The very nice and cool angie then went her separate way. Later that evening after sushi i rushed over to Dennys with all these crazy kids who were eating crazy stuff. Then on saturday i took a delightful little trip down to Encinitas. There i sat in the sun for several hours without sunscreen, unfortunately i did burn quite a lot. So im a lobster. I went to this encinitas with Amber the Sexy, and we played travel scrabble like cool kids. Then we had a persian dinner with Megan F. Who happens to be my birthday triplet woot. Okay so then i sat around for two days trying to recover. It is quite painful to be this burnt, probably the worst burned ive ever been. I'm really hungry so i need to grab something to eat. The stupid Jamba in PS cant do Red Gummy Bears or Red Starburst cuz theyre stupid. I need a job. Okay I'll talk to y'all later when i do something worthwhile. Unlikely! :) bye kids

Whoah so big news everybody!!!! Last night angie was like you smell, and i was like Snakes ! So we went to see Snakes on a Plane with Samuel L Jackson!! My god that movie made my heart jump, it was love from the moment my eyes fell upon that screen. It's got everything you could possibly want. Dirt bike riding, surfing, baseball bats and get this... SNAKES not just any snakes; SNAKES ON A MUTHAFUCKING PLANE. So yes that movie is one i would advise to all and any soul who has not yet visited the movie theatre for the explicit purpose of seeing Snakes on a Plane. I just got back from the OC yesterday and had a pleasant meal at cpk with britta. She got me Sexy for Him^2 from victorias secret as a bday gift. However she could not wait until the 25th to give it to me psha. I'm going running today at 3:30pm. A ridiculous time as it is extremely hot and humid. I have heard numerous health warnings of the deathly effects of the direct rays of the sun from 10am-4pm. And sheat argh worst time ever. But im going cuz my homey amber is running then blech. I go now to drink some fluids so i dont pass out and die yay! :) ciao kids.

I just want you all to know that today I, Brian Hoffmann, have ran a great distance today. I took it upon myself to push my muscles to the limit. Traveling one mile at a running pace and one mile at a pace that could be considered walking. While a petty distance to some, do not take such journeys as mere trifles. As I paced the oval pathways of the Palm Springs High School track, two blonde sexy athletes by my side, the sun smashed its heavy rays upon my skin. The heat nearly unbearable, my lips parched beyond any level i might recall. Normally a two mile adventure would be simple, however it has been over 4 years since i have excercised to such a degree. Afterward I traveled upstream, flowing against traffic toward the river. Stopping inside its pearly glass doors I purchased the most recent Adbusters: Culture of Death/Life and the third book that was missing from my quadrilogy by Anne McCaffrey the "Freedom" series. Today I finished "The Walking Drum" by Louis Lamour for the billionth time; my favorite book of all time, by the way. I went swimming ate arby's and now I am sleeping. Tomorrow I have lunch with the extraordinarily cool MEghan Smailes. Afterward i believe i shall be traveling toward the commercial district of Palm Desert in order to satisfy the shopping needs of Hamberger, twiggy, and andy. Then that movie with the scary things in the cave. Also I must visit britter some time soon cuz its been many moons and she arrived in town yesterday. If you read this, im coming fer you! Call me so we can chill readers of this post.

Yesterday! I went to the dentists and had a grand old time. Shortly thereafter as the numbing of my mouth and tongue subsided I was called to subway. When this retarded black girl angie couldnt find the right subway. So i sat with kim and made fun this really really slow old guy who walked by, until the fat black girl arrived. maan that old guy was like molasses! After these two insanely fat women gulped down their 12 in massive sandwiches we headed over to jamba juice. At this point I had my meager and healthy jamba juice plus 1oz wheat grass. As we sat and i sipped my deliciously delightful Orange Dream Machine and we had a very un-manly conversation about celebrities. That JT mmmmmhhmmmh my hero. Then i went home and finished my super cool quadrilogy by Anne Mcaffrey cuz thats how i roll. I need to eat food but that entails an adventure outside my home. I went swimming at 7:30am this morning and am very upset at my inability to sleep in :( I used to be so good at sleeping! now i suck!! K call me tomorrow and make me do something.

Ah the days have worn me down like a giant can of beans wears down a rabbit when stapled to its back. The summer has been quite a load of fun. I have seen and participated in social events with Polly C. It had been such a long time since i had seen her i did not quite recognize the red haired wild-woman before me. We went to Elmers and the rivers and stuff. Recently i have sought a certain womb (of the dyck) unsuccesfully. At this time it is tarnished and i have decided that my pursuit shall be put on hold for a while. Lara sent me tidings from Vietnam! her pictures look cool, im jealous :) I went to La Jolla twice once to pickup ms socaciu from the aeroporto and another to chill with polly and pals at the beach. A despicable round of bowling at sdsu yielded me a final score of 57 :( I have hung out with pager tons this summer but she ditched me to go to florida. i cry! I chilled plenty with angie and kim the latter of which is quite evil and left me for some school in santa cruz agh!!!! the former once had a womb with such a bright future. that future is no more. I may go to street fair tonight as its like the coolest place to be on a thursday night ...ever! my cars all fixed up nicely but its horn still dont work. I may write another one of these journal thingys and it will fall closer to the time in which the events that are described, occured. Thus they may be filled with more details. ciaos.

It's about the looking glass. As you lift the handle you cannot help but admire the sophisticated carving of spirals and spheres in the dark oak as a thousand hollow marbles suspended above a blood red sea form ripples extending to inifity. The marbles hover, seeming to dance in the breeze. You follow the oak as it winds, spiraling upward splitting and curving it leaves its trunk to form a perfect circle around a quiet pond. You bring it to your eye so that you may look through it, at the world peering back at you. You notice the smudges on the mirror as if a swirling molten metal lay within a marble basin, parts that had not cooled swirling in a whirlpool formation; it distorts the world you are so eager to see. Perhaps what appears to be a dirty malevolent cloud of dust clouding one's vision is actually the true reflection while the unsmudged glass is the distortion. Just as a mirror our lives have smudges on the surface but it is far more difficult to discern the boundaries of the smudges with that of shimmering glass...Hopefully the smudges end soon.

I had a dream last night. I was with a girl that i have known for some time now, walking. We were walking along a brown dirt path with tiny pebbles strewn about, here and there. It ran alongside a tall wooden fence that had been constructed beneath weeping willow trees and towering oaks. The day was slightly cloudy, not so much as to make it miserable. But rather the clouds caused the trees to show a deeper green and the sky a bluer blue. The path felt familiar, as one that might be placed behind your house. In fact it felt as though we were walking from her house to mine or my house to hers, it was not distinctive. Neither of us talked, there simply was no place for it. I felt the setting was quite beautiful as though it was the perfect setting for a photograph. Often in when taking a photo we will stand close, put one arm around a shoulder or a waist to imprint the permanence of friendship upon a frozen frame. I did this in my dream, but not in front of a camera, I continued to do this while walking. We kept walking past places where if we had stopped, a public mass transportation vehicle would have quickly came to transport us where we needed to go. However it is clear that the walk was more important than arriving at the destination. I repeatedly posed for a camera that did not exist, putting my arm around her shoulder. It happened such that my dream had the cadence of a section of a film played over and over, cemented on repeat. A movie however, is not an accurate description; for it was more like a thousand pictures taken, with no camera, with no stop... When we arrived at the house of our intended destination I felt only sadness. I wanted to walk forever in the breezy calm of my dream. Dreams like these make you think. What events caused such a dream to be formulated? What truth lies behind these visions? Will I ever have that picture, of that time, placed so gently in my frame upon the dresser? I don't know, but i can dream can't I?

These past few weeks have been such a blast its crazy. I've really enjoyed coming back from San Diego and I know I'll enjoy going back too. My dearest Paige Gangster leaves tomorrow morning for Florida, sooo far away. It makes me sad because she's the only person down here that I'd call up to do something ridiculously normal like going to the store, or eating food, or saying hi for like ten seconds. Her Christmas present was very flattering as she thought i was a Small in t-shirts, I wish... So we went and exchanged it for extra-small. It's terrible!! I neeeed to bulk up slightly somehow.... Today I had lunch with Meghan and Amber at Thai Smile, which was quite good. Yesterday I went to Ihop with Sarah Ginascol after visiting Angel View Hope House. After Ihop...I went to attempt to visit a black southern baptist church in order to help Britta on her journalism project. That was scary! we nearly died in Gateway. Then later in the evening I had a fabulous desert date. Paige, Becca, Blair, and Andrew at Goldmine. yummm. The day before that I worked on my dad's new house and went to Angel View and chillaxed. The day before that I don't remember...When was New Years.. Man Oh well I should have updated earlier i guess. I think im going to apply for a job at Express, then if that doesnt work out I think I might try Ben & Jerry's, I don't yet, but i need income sooo bad its crazy. All righty that's it for this entry, see ya soon!

YO peoples. Merry Christmas y'all. I returned from my collegiate lifestyle on the 7th of December. Since I have been home I have had all manners of fun with my fellow PSHS students in the valley. I have had a lot of lunch dates too thus if your in the valley and you want lunch holla at me somehow and I'll squeeze you in. Last night I played catchphrase with Paige, Amber, Andy and Ambers little brother Brendan. It was quite fun as I don't see them very often. For the most part since I've been down I've been helping my dad fix up his new rotten house. I got the idea to post some sort of journal entry (which I haven't done for some time) because of that crazy kid Angie's post. There does not exist snow at this point in time in the valley. The weather has reached a toasty 80 degrees in the afternoon which causes some disarray to the christmas spirit. The valley is once more in its state of eternal sunshine causing the old people who live here to remain old forever. It's kind of like that island in King Kong where the dinosaurs live. It is a place where the way of the fogies continues on. Come see me! ciao ^_^

Oh jeez laouise. It's finals week already. I have two finals tomorrow, two of which i have not yet studied for. I slept until 5 today (sunday) not 5 am mind you 5 pm!!! so i missed my study day, and now its 6:30 in the evening and im about to go out to downtown la jolla. Is that not just insane or what. I'm starting to get frightened about passing my classes!! It's so hard to get to sleep on time with a roommate and suitemates, daaaarnit. I need to get my butt in gear. I'm coming home this week pleeease call me if your home so we can chill! :) ciao y'all

Hey Everybody,

UCSD is wonderful. I am rather enjoying my time and the people I have met. Now that I look back on all my other possibilities I am incredibly glad about the choice that I have made. My classes arent going as smoothly as i thought they would. Chemistry may cause some difficulty in the attaining of a passing grade but other classes seem to be okay. Right this moment I am at my grandmother and grandfathers house in the OC. I had forgotten the feeling of a warm quiet room in a loving house with homecooked meals. Wow. I love it. I will be here in the OC until Friday at which time i am heading back to palm springs with my father. I miss many friend in palm springs but i have the feeling that i probably won't see anybody! Divisions spread wider if they have not been reinforced. Only those friends who I have made and they have made an effort to talk to up to this point seem to care anything about ever seeing me again so thats fine with me. If someone is free and wants to meet up I would be delighted however, unfortunately as my car was totalled I won't be quite as easy to meet up with. See you all soon in sunny palm springs.

Love, brian

P.S. I'll probably be doing a lot of walking since im carless so if you see me make sure you HOnk your horn, or run me over, or pull over, or stop in the middle of the street and halt traffic whatever you feel like at the time just say hello.

Have you ever held within your palms a small dish? A dish made of rough indian clay; colored such a light shade of aszure that it seems to mirror the sky. And contained within this cup is the purest water imaginable, so still that the wind leaves little tiny dents as it whispers over the water, teasing, taunting, daring dreams. And as you held this dish in your left hand did you ever mix the clear water in a small glass bowl full of reddish-gold paint so as to mirror the setting sun? As you lifted up the brush just above your water dish, watching the rays of the sun spill through the hairs onto the ground, did just one pure orb of this divine paint plummet from the very tip. If so, then you have seen what i have. You have seen this drop hit the surface of the water without a splash as it simmers through, seemingly absorbed. Swirls of red and gold mix and spread through the water. These patterns of varying densities upon the light blue dish would be similar to the sunset i saw tonight. In no way however, would it come close to the real thing. It is my wish to see at least one more sunset just as beautiful before i die.

Oh and UCSD is great!

Hi! I am at UCSD. I have only been here a short time, however that does not mean i cannot have thuroughly enjoyed every second. The workload has been simple, the midterms look to be a joke. The people i have met, oh the people i have met!! I have made some very nice friends here, new ones, brand spankin new!! One of my nice friends is laaaate on some sort of food excursion to expand the stomach with lovely meal point food(cough lara cough). Oh no my rental car has expired. It seems that i may very shortly lose this automobile which is very sad. It's sad because my settlement check hasnt come in! I am going home tomorrow after my math midterm and chem quiz. I am sooooooo looking forward to homecoming football game. I miss my friends and it will be so splendid to have a semi-renunion. I'm off to do some work, probably chemistry cuz its sooooo darn hard. Call me if you miss me (peace sign here) <3
~Brian

P.S. heres what ive learned in phil. P=you call me Q=you miss me If P, then Q. P (horseshoe) Q. If all the premises are true then the conclusion must me true. If you do not miss me, then you did not call me! however it is false logic to say the premise is false and the conclusion is true, therefore you may miss me, but not call me. Ohh the beauty of logic.